Surviving Party Season: Early Communication is Key

It’s never too late for parents to help their kids steer clear of drugs and under-age drinking, say the experts. Start preventative tactics whenever you can, including networking, said Nancy Morrison, director of the Troy Community Coalition. 

“Parents need to network with other parents,” Morrison said. “Call and say, ‘Where are they going? Who’s home?’”

These and come into play at this time of year, when high school parties — from casual get-togethers to graduation open-house affairs — are kicking into high gear. 

Parents also need to have a lot of conservations with their teens. “Tell your kids about the risk of under-age drinking and drinking in general,” Morrison said. “It’s a proven fact that if kids perceive that the parents don’t want them to drink or take drugs, if the parents disapprove, the kids will be less likely to do it.”

Be prepared for your child to say to you, “But Dad, marijuana is legalized for medical reasons, so it must be safe.” That’s not accurate, said Morrison.

The Troy Coalition sells drug test kits and Morrison believes that having one sitting around in the home is a good deterrent. “Just having a kit in the house sends a message,” she said. “And it also really gives kids an escape from peer pressure. They can say at a party, ‘No, I can’t do that because my parents are threatening me with a drug kit test and will use it on me when I get home.’ ” 

Dr. Dave Obudzinski of Royal Oak raised three kids who are now in college. He says it’s never too early to start talking about the negative effects of drugs and alcohol.

“Kids who drink usually start in seventh or eighth grade,” said Obudzinski, a Bingham Farms-based pediatrician and Beaumont doctor. “They see it on television shows, on commercials, all over."

He sees a lot of alcohol and marijuana abuse among his young patients. “Weed is really popular now and heroin is starting to show up more, too,” he said.

He believes parents should talk to kids early about drugs and alcohol, but also should  continue the dialogue as they grow, right through college age. “I still talk about it with my kids,” he said.   

Laurie Farr, a parent and mother of three, said: “It’s hard to keep kids on the right path and making good choices nowadays. You have to keep asking questions and constantly be involved in their day-to-day lives.”

Farr, whose kids are 16, 17 and 20, has learned a lot by being involved with the Birmingham Bloomfield Community Coalition in Bloomfield Hills.  “When we discuss things at various meetings, it’s so enlightening.”

Farr recommends to those parents who have younger teens to start asking questions now. If Farr has to ask a few extra questions of her kids, she grins and bears their anger. “Kids do not like parents asking ‘all those questions,’ ” she said. “And then they say things like, ‘How did you find out?’ I tell them that parents stay in touch and talk, which they should, by the way. That’s another great way to know what’s going on.”

Troy parent Mary Wunderlich, who has four children ranging in age from 15 to 21, is all about being a nosy parent. “I ask questions about everything,” she said. “Who’s going to be at the party? Are the parents going to be home the entire time? Who’s been in trouble lately with MIPs, DUIs, etc.?” 

Farr admits it’s difficult to find other parents who are on the same page as her. “Lots of parents let kids go to parties without checking to see if the parents will be home, or if there was an official invitation,” said Farr. 

As for the temptation to drink and take drugs, Farr observes that there is a lot of peer pressure these days, as there always has been. Kids often partake just to be accepted even though they know it’s “not me.”

“A big part of it is the ‘You’re cool and popular if you do it,’ ” Farr said. There’s a big percentage of kids who do drugs and I think even a kid who wants to do the right thing can get lost in that. It’s hard for them to go to school.”

Clawson Mayor Penny Luebs, who has five children, cherishes good memories from her kids' graduation parties and is pretty sure all was on the up-and-up. 

“As our children grow into adults, they will occasionally share a story that was new to me,” Luebs said, “but I haven't heard any ‘did you know’ or ‘this is really what happened’ stories about graduation.”